thinking through my keyboard December 4, 2009

This post was originally titled “time for a new post,” but in light of what came out as I was typing, I decided to rename it.

Well, since I haven’t updated since May, I figure now’s as good a time as any, even if I don’t have anything in particular to say. It’s not time for my annual Year in Review post, but I’m already thinking about my answers to some of the questions. This has been one hell of a year–lots of good, plenty of bad. I think I have done more growing up this year than any other I can remember. So much has changed. I bought a car (I still LOVE the fact that my name is on the title–the only name on it), I lost 32 pounds (and am still losing weight–40-60 lbs to go, I think), my best friend got divorced, I’ve been at my current job for 8 months (a record!)–the list goes on. Like I said, a lot has changed. I’ve settled into somewhat of a routine, and it’s not as soul-deadening as I thought it would be. I still crave adventure, and I still have so many plans and things I want to accomplish, but right now I’m comfortable. The biggest decision I need to make is whether or not to find a new job. I like my job just fine, but it is very hard on my car. I deliver pizzas (if you don’t know me well enough to know that). I put around 1500 miles on my car every month. I need to have this car for the next 5- 7 years (it won’t be paid off for 5, and then I need to save some money for the next one). If I get a day job, in an office or something, I won’t put as much wear on my car and it will last longer. BUT, I am feeling the pull to go back to school. I REALLY miss learning, and I really want to finish my degree (and, if I’m honest with myself, I want to go to graduate school). I’ve all but given up on the idea of not taking out more student loans (it’s just not practical….an education is more important to me at this point). If I do get an office job and work 9-5ish, that basically rules out school. The classes I would take aren’t generally offered at night, and I have no interest in online education.

As I’m writing this, the thoughts are crystalizing in my head, and I’m finally making up my mind. I’m going to go back to school and keep delivering pizzas at night. If I run my car into the ground, so be it. I’ll figure something out, and that won’t happen for years anyway.

Well…that was fun. Now I just need to figure out the specifics…where, when, how. I really miss the Carpenters–my favorite professors from Lipscomb–husband and wife lit profs. I would LOVE to study under them, but I don’t know if it’s worth going back to LU. I am still very conflicted in my religous views, and I worry that the Lipscomb environment would drive me to the point of no return, plus there are the issues of distance and expense to consider. Dana Carpenter is taking a sabbatical this next semester. I won’t be ready to go back until next fall, anyway, though. I went to the University of Memphis for 2 semesters, and I just didn’t fit in. I didn’t live on campus, so I didn’t make any real friends. I miss the sense of community that I had at Lipscomb. I miss A Cappella, I miss the interest that all the professors took in their students. LU was very different from U of M. I’m not entirely sure I want to go back to either. But living here in Memphis, I don’t have a lot of choices. Nashville has a plethora of colleges to choose from; Memphis, not so much. I can’t afford Rhodes (and might not have a high enough GPA to get in, anyway). I can’t afford Lipscomb, either. Hell, it’s all I can do to pay the bills I have now. But, I will fill out my FAFSA when I get my taxes done, and hopefully I will have something worked out by next fall. Sheesh. I am a nut. But I am young and alive. I’ll figure it out as I go.

What a Weekend! May 16, 2009

I went to the Emergency Room on Saturday. It’s not like I’ve never been there before–I’m quite accident prone. I couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve been to the ER in my 22 years. This Saturday was different, though. I didn’t fall or hurt myself. I was sick. I felt a strong need to puke, but I just couldn’t, for some reason. Also, my abdomen HURT. The pain was very hard to describe, it wasn’t sharp or stabbing or throbbing, it just didn’t feel right. I just felt “sick” inside. This wasn’t an especially new occurrence, I’ve had “episodes” of this happening for months, but I’d just take some Rolaids and it would go away in an hour or so. It didn’t go away on Saturday–it started around 2 and I went to the ER at 6. The doctor asked me a few questions and determined that it was my gallbladder. They started an IV and gave me pain medicine and something for my stomach. After my pain was under control, they brought an ultrasound machine in and looked at my gallbladder–it was FULL of gall stones. I was admitted and was put in a room around 10. Too bad it was the weekend and I didn’t need emergency surgery. I was stuck in the hospital until they could do my surgery on Monday. Sundaycrawled by and I was terrified when they came with a gurney to take me to surgery on Monday morning. It was about an hour and a half sooner than the surgeon had said it would be, so I wasn’t mentally ready. I’d never even been admitted into a hospital before, and the biggest surgery I’d had up to now was having my tonsils removed when I was a junior in high school. I calmed down once I got down to pre-op. Since I have acid reflux they made me swallow some kind of medicine that tasted like grape flavored acid. It was truly disgusting and it was all I could do to keep it down. I was still awake when they rolled me into the operating room and I was surprised that it looks a lot like the OR rooms on Grey’s Anatomy–LOL! Usually they have you count down from 10 or 100, but if they did that this time, I don’t remember…I woke up in the recovery room a few hours later. I was in quite a bit of pain and I felt very nauseated. They gave me some drugs in my IV, but wouldn’t let me drink anything even though I was very thirsty. Since they were able to do the procedure laproscopically, I was able to go home around 5:30 that same day. My pain was pretty severe the first 2 days (I had to take 2 Percocet tablets every 4 hours instead of 1 every 6-8 hours). Twice I even took 3 pills at once. I was out of pills by Thursday morning, but I was still having pain, so I had to go back to the doctor to make sure everything was healing ok since I was still in so much pain. At the doctor, I learned that my surgery had been more involved than the standard procedure. My gallbladder was very infected (and probably only a day or 2 away from rupturing). I was very lucky that they didn’t have to do the traditional 8″ incision, but they did have to do more repair work inside of me than they thought they would. My surgeon said that even though the cuts were tiny on the outside, they went several inches deep and cut through muscle, so that’s why I was still having pain when friends of mine who have had the surgery said that I should be fine by now. Today I just feel like I did about a billion crunches. I’ve had 2 pain pills all day. Last night was the first time I’ve been able to sleep on my sides (I am a side/stomach sleeper), and I have slept most of the day today. My back has been killing me because I have had to sleep on it and I haven’t rested well all week. I have a feeling I’ll be sleeping like the dead for several days now that I can sleep on my side. It still hurts quite a bit to roll over, but it’s worth it to get some sleep. This next part might be TMI, but consider yourself warned–I’m going to talk about poop. I have always pooped a lot. Some days I go as much as 4-6 times. My primary doctor diagnosed me with IBS when I was in 7th grade and I take medicine on and off for it. Well, I am starting to think that all along that has just been my gallbladder not functioning properly. Since my surgery, I have had 3 bowel movements and they have been more “normal” than any I’ve had in years (and possibly ever). I was fully expecting months of diarrhea, but so far that isn’t happening. I’ve always thought that my digestive issues were more than just IBS (really, doctors just say you have IBSwhen they don’t know what else is wrong). I am thrilled with the prospects of being able to eat what I want and not have to run to the bathroom within 5 minutes of finishing my meal (and sometimes before I’m even finished). All in all, the surgery was well worth it, and I’m so glad I let my mom talk me into going to the ER–I wanted to go to minor med first to see if they thought I needed to go to the hospital. Since it’s past midnight now, today is my mom’s birthday, and I always make her cake. I’m glad that I feel well enough to do it (and I’m really glad that her birthday wasn’t last week). She did spend her Mother’s Day in the hospital taking care of me, though. I love my mommy, even though we don’t always get along very well. She has taken care of me all week (she only went back to work today because she had to–she took off Monday through Thursday). I’m not always the best patient, but she hasn’t complained once. She has gall stones too, so I’m sure I’ll get the chance to return the favor sometime this summer.

this blows my mind. March 9, 2009

Ok, I just had a rather maddening thought. You know how in church everyone tells you that when you sin you make God sad, you hurt His heart or whatever? Well, God’s in Heaven, right? And in Heaven no one is sad. So if God is in Heaven, then how is He saddened by the things we do? Is it all just a big scam to keep us doing the “right thing”? A way of guilting us into being blind followers? I don’t know why, but this makes me really angry to think about. I feel manipulated. And I don’t like being manipulated.

Anyway, just a random thought, not really a post with any deep purpose. The thought just hit me, and I felt like writing it down.

The Inauguration of Barack Obama: A Spectator’s Point of View (Part 1) January 31, 2009

There is really no excuse for how long it has taken me to post this. I had less than half of it written the day after the Inauguration, but somehow life got in the way, and I’m just finishing it tonight. I apologize.

 

Ok, let’s start at the very beginning (Julie Andrews says it’s a very good place to start).

January 19, 11 pm: I decide it’s time for bed since I have to be up at 3. After getting up about 6 times to set out things I will need for the big day, I am finally ready to go to sleep around 12.
January 20, 2:30 am: I wake up. And just like those kids in the Disney World commercials, “I’m too excited to sleep!!” And since the alarm is going to go off in half an hour, I decide to go ahead and get up and start getting ready. If I had gone back to sleep, the alarm would have just scared the crap out of me and put me in a really rotten mood. I start by putting on my 3 layers of pants: first some fuscia tights I found on sale at Target. Next, thermal pants (“Long Johns”) and my favorite black pants. I only put on 1 shirt layer so that I don’t get all hot and sweaty running around the house.
3:00 am: I eat some pop tarts and have a glass of water, brush my teeth, put on makeup (I have no idea why…), and grab all my things (other shirt layers, scarf, gloves, hat, hand warmers, water bottle, phone, camera, camera batteries, memory cards, chapstick, and snacks).
3:45 am: Hit the road. From my friend’s house to the Vienna Metro station is 2 hours with normal, everyday traffic. I have budgeted 5. There is almost no traffic until I get about 8 miles from the station, and then it starts to pick up a bit, really like normal rush hour traffic (only it’s 5am), but it’s still not bad. Then, once I’m only 2 miles from the exit to the station, WHAM. Not moving. It took me 2 hours to go those 2 miles. I parked in the parking garage and made my way to the line. It must have been my lucky day because a train was waiting–and it had SEATS! I quickly made my way onto the train and sat down. Within 2 minutes, all the seats were taken and there were a few people standing (keep in mind that Vienna is the FIRST stop on this route). After maybe 5 minutes, the doors close and the train starts moving. At the next station, maybe 10 more people crowd onto just the car I’m in (I can’t see the other cars, but I’m sure it was the same there). It’s a little more crowded, but there is still some room. We go 2 more stops and there is no standing room ANYWHERE. I have never seen a train so crowded. Everyone is jammed in so tight that nobody even has to hold on–there was no room to fall! We hear the driver tell us that there is a delay at Rosslyn station, so we will be sitting for a few minutes. I am sleepy, so I doze off. I’m not really sure how long we were stopped. Once we are close to our destination, the driver informs us that we won’t be stopping at Federal Center (the closest to the Mall, I think) due to crowding. He suggests getting off at McPherson Square and walking, so I do.
9:36 am: I make my way up the escalator (that is turned off because there are too many people) and out into DC. I have absolutely no idea where I’m going (somehow I missed the maps that some people had), so I just follow the crowd, hoping they’re going to the Mall and not the parade route….Normally, I would be complaining about the distance, but this time it was exhilarating (I think it ended up being around 18 blocks). The air was cold, but the wind wasn’t harsh. There were hundreds of people in every direction. People were singing, chanting, everyone was so kind and happy. The mood was just that of elation. 
10:00 am (approximately): I can see the Washington Monument. It is beautiful! I’m standing at 18th and Virginia Avenue, texting with a friend who is also there. She wants to try to meet up. I figure the odds are very low that we’ll be able to find each other in the crowd, but we decide to try anyway. I make my way onto the Mall (there is a big open area, and I’m encouraged that the crowd won’t be quite so bad, but then the closer I get to the Monument, the denser the crowd becomes). I realize that there is NO way I will be able to get to where Jenny is (on the other side of the monument and up a few hundred feet from where I am). But, I am in view of a screen and I can hear the music, so I decide to find a spot and stay put–I am between the White House (on my left) and the Washington Monument (on my right)–the Capitol building is so far in the distance and there are so many people between me and it that I can only see the very tip of the spire on top of the rotunda. At first, my spot is great. I have plenty of room and no one is obstructing my view. Perfect, I think. But as time wears on, people start crossing in front of me, moving to my left (there was still a bit of a clearing over there). Probably somewhere around 70 people walk past me, and even more begin to crowd in where I am standing. It’s a very good thing that I like crowds and don’t get nervous or panicky in tight spaces. A person with claustrophobia would be on the ground, rocking back and forth in the fetal position. There was NO room to move (it was nearly as crowded as the train had been that morning), and even more people were trying to push their way through. My good mood (and patience) were gone. I didn’t attack anyone, but I stood stone still when people tried to push their way past me. That seemed to be the only way to keep a space big enough to stand in and not be pushed down on top of other people. At this point, I was ready for things to get started so that they could be over and the crowd would disperse. Little did I know, this was just the beginning of the mess.
10:45 (ish) am: Various important people are announced and seen entering. There is a lot of cheering, but I am surprised by the boos–there are nearly as many jeers as cheers.
A quick list of those receiving cheers:                                          Those receiving jeers:
Bill and Hillary Clinton (of course)                                                 Joe Lieberman (I was a bit surprised!)
Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid                                                            George H W and Barbara Bush
Al and Tipper Gore                                                                                Dick Cheney (even I couldn’t resist)
and eventually the First Family-to be                                           George W and Laura Bush (including the ”Na na na na, hey
                                                                                                                       hey hey, goodbye” song)
I wasn’t really sure if the cheers and booing would be heard by those watching on TV or not (I thought the stations might turn down the sound on the crowd in an attempt to censor what was going on). Since I haven’t had a chance to watch the DVDs I made of the TV coverage I missed, I still don’t know the answer to that question. For the record, I did not join in on the “Na na hey hey” song–it was not noon yet, and no matter how much I dislike George W, he was at that time, still President, and I have respect for the office (if not for the man holding it).

Past this point, there isn’t a whole lot to tell about the ceremony, since you all probably saw it on TV. (and honestly, I need to go watch it myself to refresh my memories of what was happening in the crowd during everything.)

I’ll call this post Part 1 and I will continue the story soon (I am learning not to put a deadline on these things because then people get their hopes up and I get behind and feel guilty).

Inauguration Update! January 11, 2009

My plans have evolved significantly since my last post about it. My car is NOT reliable enough to take, so I’ll be taking my dad’s car (the power steering isn’t working, but he says if I put a container of power steering fluid in it every day it will work fine….we’ll see).

I have added several more stops onto my trip and I will now be gone from January 18-25 (maybe the 26th)! I will leave on Sunday the 18th and drive to Kingsport, TN (about 9 hours from my house) and spend the night with one of my Bon Jovi fan club friends. Then on Monday I will meet some more friends for lunch and a movie (Bride Wars). I’ll leave for Missy’s house (my “final” destination) around 2-3 pm (it’s about a 4 hour drive). I’ll spend the night with Missy and leave around 4am for DC. I’ll drive to the Vienna Metro station (that reminds me–I need to buy my pass tonight!) and ride into DC. Then I guess I’ll grab a bit of grass and park it until the Inauguration starts (and try not to freeze to death!). After all that madness, I’ll drive back to Missy’s house and stay there through the 24th when she and I will drive down to Charlotte, NC. We’re going to a concert–Slippery When Wet (a Bon Jovi Tribute Band). Then I’ll head home from Charlotte (which will be 10-11 hours, so I might end up stopping somewhere on the way home). WHEW! It makes me tired to just think about it, but I know the Inauguration will be one of the greatest experiences of my life!

Top 10 January 7, 2009

favorite songs:
1) 4th of July (Sandy) – Bruce Springsteen
2) Sounds of Silence – Simon and Garfunkel
3) America – Simon and Garfunkel
4) Thunder Road – Bruce Springsteen
5) Heart of Gold – Neil Young
6) Wild Horses – Natasha Bedingfield
7) These Days – Bon Jovi
8) Dry County – Bon Jovi
9) Wonderful Tonight – Eric Clapton
10) The River – Bruce Springsteen

favorite movies:
1) Pulp Fiction
2) V for Vendetta
3) Wanted
4) The Story of Us
5) The Sound of Music
6) The Prestige
7) Dan in Real Life
8) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
9) What Dreams May Come
10) The Family Stone

favorite books:
1) For the Time Being – Annie Dillard
2) Searching for God Knows What – Donald Miller
3) Prozac Nation – Elizabeth Wurtzel
4) As I Lay Dying – William Faulkner
5) Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? – Edward Albee
6) Othello – William Shakespeare
7) Absalom! Absalom! – William Faulkner
8) Wuthering Heights – Emily Bronte
9) Through Painted Deserts – Donald Miller
10) Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert

favorite TV shows:
1) Nightly News with Brian Williams
2) Damages
3) Mad Men
4) Grey’s Anatomy
5) Countdown with Keith Olbermann
6) Breaking Bad
7) Two and a Half Men
8) Worst Week
9) Good Eats
10) Chelsea Lately

year in review December 31, 2008

Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions and will you make more for next year?
no and yes

What did you do in 2008 that you’ve never done before?
1) went to New York. 2) learned how to change a tire. 3) bungee jumped

Did anyone close to you give birth?
not close to me, but people I know have

Did anyone close to you die?
no, actually. I’m a little surprised.

What countries did you visit?
none this year

What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
a serious relationship and steady income

What dates from 2008 will remain etched in your memory and why?
1) March 3–turned 21. 2) April 24–ran into Jon Bon Jovi twice in Nashville. 3) July 12–saw Bon Jovi perform in Central Park. 4) October 4–bungee jumped in Pigeon Forge 

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
an A in French

What was your biggest failure?
not finding a job

Did you suffer illness or injury?
YES. TERRIBLE ear infections (on the plane ride home from NYC), leading to literally months of built up pressure, resulting in painful “procedures” to remove the pressure. AND a cyst on my right ovary (sending me to the ER thinking it might be appendicitis)

What was the best thing you bought?
Bon Jovi tickets, Springsteen tickets, and my zune

Where did most of your money go?
BON JOVI

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
seeing Jon in Nashville, going to New York, the election!, now planning for the Inauguration

What do you wish you’d done more of?
pray (and exercise)

What do you wish you’d done less of?
probably sleep and sit on the couch

How did you spend Christmas?
we sat around and did nothing on Christmas Eve and went to my aunt’s house on Christmas Day (and saw Valkyrie)

Did you fall in love in 2008?
no

What was your favorite TV show?
Damages and Grey’s Anatomy and Worst Week and The Mentalist and Mad Men

What was the best book you read?
For the Time Being (Annie Dillard)

What was your greatest musical discovery of 2008?
Springsteen

What did you want and get?
a zune, a trip to NYC, Barack Obama as President-Elect

What did you want and not get?
a job

What was your favorite film this year?
Wanted, The Dark Knight, Mamma Mia!

What did you do on your birthday?
went to Tunica and played 21 when I turned 21 (3:58 pm), then went to TGI Fridays and ordered a mojito.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
close relationships, platonic and romantic

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
mmmm comfortable-pajama pants that look like real pants and jeans and tshirts.

What kept you sane?
I’m nut sure I stayed sane this year. but all the Jovi trips helped. it’s nice to get away.

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
do you mean fancy as in have a crush on or fancy as in admire? crush: Jon Bon Jovi and Patrick Dempsey and Simon Baker and Criss Angel. admire: Barack Obama

What political issue stirred you the most?
the election! and Sarah Palin. and Prop 8.

Who did you miss?
everyone–it was a pretty isolated year.

Who was the best new person you met?
all the Belles I met this year (Missy, Cheryl, Paige, Terri, etc)

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
it’s no fun to sit on the couch all day in an empty apartment.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
“There’s a dark cloud rising on the desert floor
I packed my bags and I’m headed straight to the storm
It’s gonna be a twister that’ll blow everything down
That ain’t got the faith to stand its ground
Blow away, the dreams that tear you apart
Blow away, the dreams that break your heart
Blow away, the lies that leave you nothing but
Lost and brokenhearted”

 

 

Why yes, I am crazy. Thanks for asking. December 30, 2008

I am going to the Presidential Inauguration. I’ll be staying with a friend (if I couldn’t do that, this trip would be impossible because there are NO hotel rooms ANYWHERE up there). The only problem is (oh who am I kidding–there are a million problems!) that I live in west Tennessee, and she lives in Virginia. I did a quick mapquest search and from my town to her town is 718 miles–a little over 11 hours (and I’ll lose an hour because I’ll change time zones). HOLY CRAP! That is about 100 more miles than I have driven at a time (by myself). Another problem: she lives about 1.5 hours (not considering Inauguration Day traffic) from the closest Metro station into DC. SO pretty much I get to wake up at 4 am on the 19th, leave my house by 6, drive 11 hours (not including stops, which I have to do–I’m not one of those people who can drive straight through without stopping….), get to her house possibly in time for dinner (a late dinner), hang out a bit (probably have a few cocktails and watch Bon Jovi DVDs), pass out from exhaustion. Then on the 20th, I haven’t worked out all the details yet, but I am thinking I will probably need to leave her house by 5-6am in order to get to the station and find a place to park and actually get on the train (this could be a nightmare–and it probably will be). Then I really have no idea what to expect once I get to the Mall…..probably chaos (I just hope it’s controlled chaos). And I hope it’s not raining because umbrellas aren’t allowed. Oh yeah, and all of these plans are assuming that the weather is perfect (which is iffy at best in the middle of January!). I have lost my freaking mind. I cannot believe I am doing this. Normally I would say HELL NO I am not driving 11+ hours in JANUARY so that I can stand outside in  a crowd of millions of people for 6+ hours IN JANUARY and then turn around and drive 11+ hours back home. It makes no sense–none whatsoever. But for some strange reason, I cannot seem to talk myself out of it. I can’t explain it, but I just don’t care about all these insane obstacles. I WILL be there. I HAVE to be. That’s all I can think of. It will probably end up being the craziest and most amazing thing I have ever done. I will be a part of history being made. (I might even be able to find myself in the pictures that will inevitably be in my children’s text books!) This is just too great an opportunity to pass up. It’s not good enough to just watch it on TV. I want to say I WAS THERE. And so I will make the biggest road trip of my life under *potentially* some of the greatest dangers (there is still a little nagging fear in the very back, darkest corner of my mind that something disastrous will happen) of my life (this includes snow/ice storms, etc). There is absolutely no reason that I should do this. If I made a pro/con list, the cons would more than triple the pros. But I am still determined to do this. And so, yes, I am crazy. Thanks for asking.

BUNGEE!!!!!!!! December 28, 2008

Well, I can cross “bungee jump” off of my bucket list! And I have evidence! 

sorry it’s sideways–in my excitement to upload it, I forgot to edit it….

and another view, this time from up close so you can see the terror in my face.

This was an amazing experience and I am so glad that I did it. I didn’t think I would be afraid because I don’t have a problem with heights, but there is just a survival instinct that kicks in when you are up there and someone is telling you to jump off. My brain just would not let my foot leave that platform. It was the weirdest thing. I was telling myself to go, using all those brain functions that cause you to take a step, but my brain would just not deliver that message. I finally just had to fling myself off by using my shoulder to gain momentum. I was up there a long time. I made it up all those stairs (I was a bit winded when I made it to the top because I didn’t stop to catch my breath the whole way up), but I wasn’t nervous. I wasn’t nervous when the guy hooked me up to the cord, asking me if I wanted to go head first or feet first, forwards or backwards. I said head first, facing forward. And then I walked up to the edge. And froze. It seemed like forever. And then I did it. It was all I thought it would be (followed by an entire body buzz–the same feeling your brain gets when you drink, only it was my entire body feeling that). Now I want to jump from a higher one…..next time I go to Vegas, I will jump–they have a reallllllllly high platform–I think it’s 75 feet. It will be amazing.

ooo! controversy! December 16, 2008

ok, this new WP dashboard layout is throwing me for a loop, but I’ll suffer through.

A while ago, a friend of mine asked me to justify my religious beliefs with my political alignment. Since this conversation took place on a message board, through the use of the private message feature, I can post my thoughts, exactly as I shared them with my friend.

          Gay marriage and abortion are both issues that I have struggled with where I stand in the past. I grew up with a very conservative family in a very strict, very very conservative church (dancing was considered a sin)–I was taught that abortion is murder and homosexuality is an abomination (and a choice). I have since, however, begun to form my own opinions, and I find that they differ greatly from my family’s.
          I have several friends that are gay and I just cannot believe/accept that they have chosen their sexual orientation. I have seen the daily struggles they have gone through (trying to live as an openly gay young man in high school in a small, SUPER conservative town in TN? not fun–dangerous, in fact), and I am just no where near being convinced that they aren’t born gay and can’t help it (in fact, I think that sexual orientation is determined in the womb, much like gender is). We, as straight women, can’t help who we fall in love with (and oh how much easier life would be if we could!)! Why is that any different for same sex couples? And I hate how politicians are running on platforms that try to give both sides what they want–that full legal rights without marriage crap. That is bullshit. If you want to give them rights, give them full marriage rights–don’t try to please both sides at the same time. If you say you believe in equality, prove it! It applies to everyone–you can’t pick and choose. The Right says that legalizing gay marriage will de-sanctify marriage. Well, if you look at the divorce rate, it hardly seems that Americans consider marriage to be sacred anymore really. If it was truly sacred, there would be very little divorce (or there would be a huge difference between Christian marriages and secular ones, but the rate is the same for both groups). I don’t see what allowing loving, committed same sex couples to marry will do to erode the nation’s morals. It just seems like a lot of people are reacting out of fear and ignorance.
          As for reconciling homosexuality with religious beliefs, like I said, I don’t think it’s a choice, so how can I condemn someone to live a loveless life just because the Bible says it’s wrong? The Bible also says adultery is wrong. And lying is wrong. And coveting is wrong. But people do those things all the time, and if the Bible says that all sins are equal (without grace we are condemned for any and all offenses), then why is homosexuality different? I don’t see how people can take this one issue out of all the others and make it a hill to die on.

         Now moving on to abortion…First off, let me say that I HATE abortion. I think it is terrible. BUT, do I think that there should be laws against it? No. I think each situation is unique, and there is no way that some type of blanket law criminalizing a young woman for making probably the hardest decision she will ever make can be right or fair. I do not believe that the Supreme Court will overturn Roe vs Wade (especially if Obama gets to appoint as many judges as I am thinking he will), so it’s pretty much useless, politically speaking, to push for that. I couldn’t agree more with what Hillary Clinton said about abortion: it should be SAFE, LEGAL, and RARE. Statistics show that the abortion rate does not change in countries where abortion is illegal–it is the same as in countries where it is legal. The only difference between the two is the safety and sanitation of the conditions. So, if these young girls are going to have an abortion anyway, why would we want to endanger their lives and health (and greatly increase the chance that they won’t be able to get pregnant again, when they’re ready to)? That seems cruel to me.

“The Democrats have proposed comprehensive legislation called the 95/10 initiative that aims to reduce the number of abortions that take place in this country by 95% within 10 years. While Barack Obama is a pro-choice candidate, he supports this and similar legislation. This is the only proposed and realistic strategy that can move us around the cultural impasse that is breathing hate and anger into the Christian community.” This is from Don Miller’s blog (he is the author of Blue Like Jazz). I think something like this is the only way that we will reduce the abortion rate. Oh, and for the record, Christians are quite hypocritical on this issue–I found these statistics online:
          “Women identifying themselves as Protestants obtain 37.4% of all abortions in the U.S.; Catholic women account for 31.3%, Jewish women account for 1.3%, and women with no religious affiliation obtain 23.7% of all abortions. 18% of all abortions are performed on women who identify themselves as “Born-again/Evangelical”.” Now, if you add all these numbers together, it equals 111.7%, so I don’t know what’s up with that, unless “Born-again/Evangelical is some sort of sub-group in the “Protestant” category. I think that the fact that more Christians are getting abortions than women with no religious affiliation speaks volumes about the state of the Church today. I think that much of the problem is rooted in the shame and stigma of a pregnancy outside of wedlock (even in the 21st century). Instead of having a compassionate support system, these young women are shunned and gossipped about. For many, I’m sure an abortion is preferable to public disgrace and condemnation from a judgemental Christian community. But all this is beside the point. Abortion, though it is very sad, should not be a crime. This seems to me to be a case of two wrongs don’t make a right.